kipp called today. stuff sucks. i'm leaving tomorrow.

ben b is over, and we're (ben, mark, andrew..) playing axis and allies. which sucketh as well.

rosco's on the floor being cute. i found him in the (closed) filing cabinet today. whoever put him there won't confess to doing it.

we all just decided to quit the game. it was a pretty boring one.

ba, gotta clean up.

joan curled my hair and put makeup on me. i feel gross. she bought me many gifts as well. my mom is mad at me, but not really AT me.

there's nothing to eat in this house (not really) and there's nothing to do (that's not quite true either).

so i've been eating ferrero rocher chocolates, laura secord truffles, nachos and salsa (mild. boo that.), and popcorn by the bags.. non stop. the chocolate is gifts for my mom from some of her patients. i love christmas for the chocolate. but seriously, i should consider eating something substantial, instead of filling my hunger with chocolate. it's pretty gross; i'm eating these ferrero rochers just to sate the bottomless pit that is my stomach. although, being surrounded by the open gold foils is kind of amusing. but then it gets to be depressing.

on friday (this is impressive, worth documenting..) i ate:
- 2 boxes of chinese take out (noodles and .. i think noodles. one box was large, the other was small)
- 1 box of kraft dinner (serves 4, i think it says? what a lie.)

in an hour. i literally woke up at quarter to 2, then just kept eating until the taxi took me to swimming. you bet i wanted to puke!

i kept it down with a box of wheat thins. A BOX. it is now empty.

i've also succumbed to the evil that is lactose-free milk. i still think the normal fart-inducing milk tastes better, but at least it's too much a hassle to go get the gassy milk.

so anyway, i'm not sorry at all. that's why i'm going to grab yet another 3-pack of ferrero rochers. and i mean 3-pack as in 3 packages of the packages that hold 3 ferrero rochers inside.

ugh.

i also ate a whole box of girl guide cookies. except that i was feeling generous (or malicious) and decided to leave one cookie for whoever found it next.

chris and andrew are on their way home. which means there'll be a super smash brothers bonanza tonight. we are the coolest kids i know.

i got my yearbook. the cover isn't as bad as i thought it'd be. i understand the complaints, though. but really, how good a cover can you expect when the theme is "where's the falcon?"

i've been feeling bitchy lately. luckily no fights with my mom since she picked me up from the hammer. it's good that i haven't been out much. i really like being away from people. like, people in general. walking through downtown, after doing bank-work for my mom, i passed some people on the sidewalk. strangers. but as usual, a few of them stared at me. i don't understand. is it because of my race? that wouldn't make sense, really. it wasn't quite rude-stare, but it was just a constant looking? .. which is basically the same thing. little kids do it a lot to me, and 99.99% of the time i'm in ttown when they do it. especially when i'm waiting to be picked up from the base pool, interestingly enough. i may sound paranoid, and that may be because i probably am, but i do think it's because i'm not white. did i ever tell you about the time i was waiting at the pool, and a little boy stared at me as he walked by, then told his mom (in french) that "that girl's chinese!" and since little boys all think alike, they must ALL be thinking that as they walk by..

i have half of a corn kernal stuck in between my teeth (i only have two teeth).

i was poking around my room (which seems very different. someone went into my closet, took out some of my clothes and put them on my desk. it was workers who were trying to see why my house is falling apart. i complained to my mom, and she said something like how she's such a bad manager of the house, and how i should fire her. haha) and found a lot of clothes i had forgot i had.

like my camp kitchi sweater. i once saw nick b wearing a camp kitchi ("catch the kitchi spirit!") t-shirt in st.peters. i never asked him about it. i wonder if we were there at the same time.

i've been watching a lot of tv. catching up, i guess. a lot of tv movies. there was that john cusack one where he is a horse breeder, this other one that i forget (what a good use of time, hm? i can't even remember the movie) and sugar and spice, the one where the cheerleaders rob banks. one of the cheerleaders is obsessed with conan o'brien. how funny is that.

i think michael jackson's innocent.

while looking through my closet, i realized i have three options for tomorrow's get-together.
a) look overly dressed up. be cold.
b) look skanked up. be cold.
c) dress regular. be warm.

my closet is the boss. i couldnt' find anything appropriate.

OH YEAH! it was horatio hornblower movies! hahahahhaa
a & e's horatio hornblower movies. i saw the latest two. hahahahahahhaha aaaahhh yes.

want mark to come home soon so we can go see the new lord of the rings.

yeeep.

dodododoo

a week and two days. then i'll be in acapulco. wanting to die. my palms are getting sweaty as i think of the training they'll make us do.

there's a get together planned for the sci centre kiddies for the 22nd. i used to try 110% to meet up with them, but i feel bitter for some reason. i feel like i tried so hard before and no one else did. which really doesn't quite compute. it's probably something else. i guess i'm tired of trying. plus the fact that no one has posted details of what's going on is starting to piss me off. see, this isn't something that would normally make me mad, yet it's making me mad. maybe it's all the chocolate i've been eating. i really have been quite hyper lately. good thing i have a helmet.

okay! bye!

i want to reread the book now.

i like writing things when i know people will read them, but lately i've been finding it kind of creepy. the fact that there's such a huge net of people who read each other's online journals. secret blog, here i come? maybe i'll make this private. i haven't been posting much lately anyway.

apparently i'm still alive. there's always more to talk about, but i don't feel like doing much of that.

someone on the tv just said "i pee blood!" in between sobs.

i'm thinking about not going to training camp next year. but i'll probably change my mind after i've gone.

the next few weeks are going to zip by.

so bye.

listening to my old playlist reminds me of all the times i stayed up till dawn writing last-minute essays, isus, and labs.


i'm feeling nostalgic.

i like this feeling.

pilate - into your hideout

or is it "into your hideout - pilate"?

ahh.. old winamp playlist. so many songs i have forgotten.. so many i wonder why they are still here. yet i refuse to delete them.

i want to go to spcss tomorrow. i have nothing all day.

except for swimming. but that's not really anything..

anyway:

i've been home for a little while now.

today i helped out at my mom's office a lot. she's been in a great mood lately. it's because of me. am i joking?

swimming was nice too. mike was coaching. there weren't very many swimmers. steph f's voice has changed. jenny isn't as crazy. this girl whose name i never learned, but i always chatted with her.. her hair is long now. brittney has longer hair. and just seems older. it's nice. i got a cap. hooraaaaaaw.

it'll be a little strange, to see the new team. "new" as in all the belleville swimmers who are on it now. i don't know anyone steph f or brittney were talking about. it already feels a bit weird when you realize the people you know best on the team are people you didn't talk to, really, when you were on the team. i guess devon is the only one.

the cfb pool is so nice..
the deck is huge. makes the pool look longer. the walls are slippery, and it's really deep, past my chin in the shallow end, if i stand flatfoot.

after i told mike my 50br time, he looked unimpressed and said "that's a race, 50br?" i said "shut up, of course it's a race! it's a hard race! you gotta sprint! i'd like to see you do it -- " and so on. i guess i wasn't very outspoken when i was swimming with them. he was amused, and exclaimed, "look at the mouth on her! who are you, stephanie or sandra?"

??

survivor joke. go figure.

umm what else. i skipped the hard sets. haw. mike helped me out with my technique a lot. t'was nice. he said that a 4th year UNB swimmer is coming to train with us soon (as in, over xmas break). mike was her coach when she was 9. her name is sienna. same as our car (har har... i'm trying, i swear). turns out UNB's team is going to acapulco for training camp too. they're also leaving on the 28th. it'd be neat to see her there. queen's is supposed to be coming as well. or maybe it was guelph. ah well.

things were very tense between my mom and i after the pick up. it was tense for about two days. today has been a lot better. it was bound to be like this. especially because my lies were revealed. white lies. but lies nontheless (nonetheless?)

while measuring my height on the scale, i imagined what it would be like to measure the height of a very short man (around 3 feet) who was wearing a suit. i asked my mom if she had any midgets or dwarfs for patients. she didn't understand at first. but then said no, she doesn't. "what about any people shorter than you?" she looked at me with a funny look and told me yeah, but then she told me that the really short people always say "oh dr.tung, you're even shorter than me!"

"i don't know why they always like to take jabs at me like that!"

i laughed for a long time.

while photocopying some charts, i accidentally read the first half sentence of someone's report from a specialist. it said: "thank you for referring this 32-year old girl..."

32 year old girl?

maybe she had a condition.
kidding? meh.

also, my mom is shockingly careless when typing referral letters. i caught one of many, which said that one patient suffered from "art disease" and "osteoporosisi" and asked the doctor to "plase follow u&see"

my mom told me funny stories about the model penis that sits on top of the fridge with the other models.
i said funny, not gross, you perv.

anyway, today was a pleasent day.

trenton is okay.

i have two new winter coats. the process of getting them was very very stressful. believe it or not, stressful for "family" reasons.

one is bright blue. and short. and puffy.

the other is long. and puffy (not as much), black. and hooded, with fake fur trim on the hood. basically, a newer model of my mom's long black hooded with fake fur coat that i like.

the second coat looks like a more socially acceptable version of my big but too small blue puffy parka.

or, my mom's. that i took.

excited for acapulco. scared to work hard.

anyway..

that song i put at the top of this post sounds very familiar.
i like it a lot.

i've been dancing a lot, lately.

yep.

i had more to say. i will probably remember later. when i'm away from a computer. will try to remember.
keep in the phonological loop. i want to actually remember the stuff i learned this term. i can't believe the amount of psychology i learned the day before the psych exam. it make you wonder if they could put more material into the course. no, wait. i take that back.

i had something to say... about something particular to something asian..

who knows.

hopefully i go to school tomorrow. and hopefully it is fun. i will try to remember to bring my camera. i hope i don't see anyone i don't want to see. they seem like cartoon characters, now that i think about them. seriously, how can someone so fake be real? they are comical. amusing. but pathetic.

julia, your emailed shocked me. but no awe (yes. i like to rehash freshly dead jokes)
um. i feel betrayed by joustin. what a jerk.

everyone come with me to spcss tomorrow. t'will be fun. we can go out for lunch and the super-seniors can skip their afternoon classes as we go hang out at the money-advance building that used to be ace's (i think it's money advance. maybe a rent-to-own? no.. poor ace's..). i have to avoid mrs. w (i forgot the algebra text book in the hammer).

there is something in my throat. my mom says it's probably reflux. she says everything is probably reflux. that or osteoporosis(i).

oh and tam^2? i found your needle. it literally has your name on it. i guess you were supposed to get it a long time ago, but no one could find it. lucky you, now you get to get it. haha. no, i think it's expired, so probably not.

i was looking forward to seeing spcss again, because i thought i would feel like how i felt while at swimming. but after reading emma's latest post, i know how i'll probably feel. which kind of made me want to go more.

andrew's exams haven't started yet. he's really stressed. poor guy. chris and andrew are home this friday (or this weekend, if we end up going to toronto to pick them up). i think mark is home on the 22nd. or 24th. it's complicated, now that he has a girlfriend. well, that's not what he said. but it's what we know. naureen. she doesn't seem his type. but at least she seems nice.

chris has a girlfriend too. lyn. murp. i've only seen a pic of her. he asked my mom if he could bring her home for a day. urg. i don't like her already. it's probably more to introduce her to his friends than to introduce her to us.

both relationships are inter-racial. both chris and andrew have complained about how asian girls only go for caucasian guys. it's a generalization, but it's got truth to it. there seem to be two stereotypes of asian girls.

my mom has taken to saying things like "oh maimai, set them up with nice girls! nice asian girls!" hahhaa so funny. i don't know any (haha emma and claire and teresa). um anyhoo. right. i remember tyler d asking me if i preferred my "own race" when it came to dating. this was his way of starting the conversation, but that's tyler for you. i think i said that if the impossible scenario came up where there were two guys, one asian, one not, and i liked both equally, and situation was just as favorable for both, and so on.. i'd go with the asian one. then, to be more specific, i'd pick a chinese guy over any other race. you writing this down, folks? because i KNOW you CARE SO MUCH.

i was going somewhere with this..

right. on my dad's side, of the three brothers, my dad was the only one to marry another asian. the wives of my uncles are caucasian. they have helped to shape a bias in my head. i don't want my brothers to marry someone who refuses to try strange looking/sounding/smelling food. who is so scared of heights she avoids elevators and high-rises. who doesn't see the importance in her children learning about their heritage and culture. who impart their xenophobic characteristics to their children. who have bratty kids. who have kids who can't speak chinese. who have kids who go through the "i'm canadian, not chinese" phase (although, i went through that as well). who call my grandparents "father" and "mum" but not "baba" and "mama". who calls moon cakes "cute". who only orders beef and broccoli dishes. who asks "what's that?" with a snear and a finger towards jellyfish or greenbean soup. who asks for coke when we're out at a nice chinese place. who doesn't give her kids a chinese name too. or.. who pushes the whole chinese thing too much (but who could do that more than what i'm doing now..?). who is married to my brother, but not to my family.

those were all starting to become about their future kids.

my mom wanted me to talk to my brothers about all this. it's interesting how they'd probably take me seriously, now. imagine telling my 13-year old self that.

after not having watched television for months, the first show i saw was the billboard awards. wow, jessica simpson and nick l are really boring. i felt embarassed for them and had to change the channel.

i feel like using emma's latest post as an excuse to flip out at all the people i dislike at spcss. but no, i shouldn't.

gooBA

third post in an hour!

today, someone washed A SINGLE TOWEL in the washer.

a single towel.

it wasn't even a body towel.

some kind of body/guest hybrid.

in the spirit of the season...


"Last Christmas I put on a Santa Claus mask, and I said to three of my ladies, 'ho, ho, ho.' They didn't think it was funny."

because i'm weird, and sometimes think things or notice things and then make a mental note to blog about them:

today my eyes look really asian. i don't know if i've ever mentioned how my eyes change their shape (well, my eyelids, really) and style all on their own. i used to think it had to do with how much i've slept, but there's a lot of factors, and sometimes it's just random. i'm just glad when they both decide to do the same thing. which isn't always, unfortunately. anyway, today they look really asian. it's neat.

that is all.

p.s. i love conan o'brien.

keyboard "fixed"!

actually, it wasn't ever broken. just something that was overlooked. how embarassing!

SO.

i went to the student centre today. i had some food, and i noticed the guy beside me (seated at the same table, actually) had zadie smith's white teeth on the top of a small pile of books as he studied linear algebra. hahaha reread that sentence.

i read (some of) that book when i was in england for gah-wun's wedding. it was my aunt's. we talked about the book for a little while, that guy and i. he had a nice fauxhawk. i was reminded of when i wanted a mohawk/fauxhawk of my own. i couldn't quite figure out how old he was. i wonder if he was aware that i was waiting for him to pause from studying so i could jump in and ask about the book.

then i saw a. storms on the way in, while i was on my way out! we said hey and so on. it was pleasent.

while eating, i was eavesdropping on the table beside me. there were three girls, studying a law-related subject. they were discussing a health-care/disability related bill and it's negative effects on the employee. i thought about how neat it would be if students talked like this regularly, not just during exam time. they sounded really intelligent and eloquent, and like they were gonna kill the exam. then they were distracted and started talking about two guys who were moving into town, who two of the girls knew. the third one asked if they were hot, and no, one of them has a big head.

at first i thought something like "ahh so they're not as great as i thought they were". but now i take that back. i guess i was stereotyping them because they boy-talked. or.. girl-talked. they weren't saying that the guy with the big head was a bad person. just that he happened to have a large face. so what's wrong with talking about boys? it's not as if it cancels out how they can talk intelligently about law. the many facets of their conversational abilities should be appreciated.

so so far this has all been kind of gibberish.

depending on the relative amount of light in my room (relative to the amount of light ouside), you can see very clearly into my room. this morning i noticed that the cars were slowing down outside my house. and everytime i looked up, they would speed away. i thought it had to do with how i was topless while searching for clothes near my window (hide the children! steph is naked before she puts on clothes!). but it turns out there's these two huge potholes in front of our house, which have to be crossed with care. and i'm sure of this, because when i came home i looked up to see if you could see into my window when it was darker inside than outside, and you cannot. plus cars are still slowing down. and i'm clothed now. OR AM I!? (no, i am not. i like to post while in the nude. it puts the "assy" in "classy".) oh i love ass/class jokes.

eunice said "oh you wish!" when i told her about this. it was funny.

so i went clothes shopping crazy. i tend not to buy things when i go shopping with others, but when on my own.. oh man.

i saw rich, my chem lab TA leaving as i was going in. he recognized me and we said the hey thing. i like him. he's a nice guy despite some of the really dumb things i've said/done in chem labs. he wouldn't get frustrated; i think he found my 8:30am stupidity amusing.

i bought many things.. i was about to list them, but that made me feel even more materialistic. so i won't. (plus they were all for me. which is what you would expect during this glorious season of giving. TO ME. now, please.)

however, i will devote entire paragraphs to my purchases:

i finally bought a pair of pants. two of them. it has been quite a while, especially with that whole trend of faded/highlighting particular areas of pants. and the low rise thing. i remember when it was hard to find a pair of pants that ended at your hip. now it's hard to find a pair that don't end at your crotch. the low-rise ones of today feel like the spcss tights that i never wore. the crotch always felt like it was falling down.

so i bought a pair. it's funny how a nice saleslady feels like she could be your best friend. she had bought the jeans i bought not too long ago. she sympathized with me on the pants rant. she showed me more pants she thought i would like. and i did like them. but the more you like something, the more it costs, so i only bought one pair. from that store. heh..

other than the other pair of pants i bought, the rest of the things i got were summer clothes. since it's wintertime, this means that i actually just bought a lot of pyjama tops that i'm planning on wearing in public. why summer clothes? cause i'm crazy distracted/excited by the acapulco trip. i also bought a scarf for eileen as her secret santa gift. maybe the nicest secret santa gift you can expect from me. all my other ones have been dumb non-gifts like a bag of candy or soap basket.

the hammer has a surprisingly nice mall. it's quite a long bus ride though. and the bus service is kind of sporadic, and the bus rides are always bumpy. on the way there there was a child who kept beating up his empty doritos bag.
i like when there's a wheelchair enabled person on the bus though. because when they get off, the bus leans to one side and a ramp pops up and out. it's dramatic.

i saw one of the physics lab TAs in the student centre. the one who reprimanded stef for hitting on her. she was with someone, and was sipping from her drink as they walked towards me. it was pretty busy, and she started wandering down the wrong way, and he (the guy she was with) called her name and she started walking back the right way. i thought it was really funny, for some reason. maybe i was actually laughing at the thought of stef being told he was "totally inappropriate".

did i tell you we (stef and i) saw each other at quarters that time i was there with alyssa, nicole, leah, and rosie? the time alyssa got kicked out. i don't even remember if i posted about that.

but anyway.

hm.

okay!

BA

.. NOW i remember where the sound i think of when i type "BA" is from! it's from tonya, tonya from un-trip. who told me about her friend who laughed by saying "BAH" really loudly. not repeatedly, as great as that would be. but her laughs always started out with a hearty "BAH". tonya's friend tries to hide this by holding in her verbal laughter and just shake-laughing. but the one time she made a "BAH" was tonya's fault, and her friend got mad at her for it.

ah yes.

okay..

and so on.

u'd tink dat w/ broken keyboard id avoid typin.

anyway, wanted2 s i went crazy shoppin yesterday. also, i'm prolly not gettig gfts 4 ne1. srryi really am rry, but i kno u r derstang butt. haa, *understanding about it. so far i cant find nethig good enuf.

i hink my onsceenkeybad broken 2

atr

ARG!
cant een spell "arg" rite.

telegrams frm a 5 yr old, sees like.

i'm shocked that i wasn't aware that this had happened.


i'm afraid of death. it seems like people die in the most meaningless ways. like that doctor. who choked on a piece of bread. i feel sad because i think that they used to be a child, that they're someone's baby. that they didn't know what was going to happen, but they must have realized at some point "i'm about to die...", that it was over so fast, and life is done.

but i guess we're all dying, as soon as we're born. literally.

there was a time when i didn't exist.
one day, i won't exist anymore.
and neither will you.

i love my mom! go hug somebody

i'm looking for the perfect cowboy hat.

tacky? YOU BET!

one that is straw.. woven.. with little gaps between the weaves..

shape.. that is highly bent at the sides

not too big.

gimme gimme now.

14 years of schooling in catholic institutions. you'd think i'd have learned to restrain myself around this time.

YOU'D BE WRONG, SUCKA!

cowboy hat. ohhh yeaaa...

I'M GONNA KILL THIS PHYSICS EXAM. KILL IT DEAD LIKE DEAD!

KILL ITT!

DEAD!

LIKE DEAD!

turns out katrina's nickname is sheena. so i was kind of right about her name. i studied some physique with her today. kind of amusing how she's a third year double math/bio major, but she has to take first years physics.

hehee.. no, not that amusing.

kill it.. dead..

i want to barf (because it's fun!) because i bought all this study (junk) food, and oh man... oh manaoahdmadsobiwuoiueoeiug

disgusting.

woowowowiwoowoWOOWOWOOWOWOWOOOOOOOO!!!

i luuuuuuuuurve studying!
it's AMAZING! i feel FABULOUS!!!

oasobiueoiglmmobos!

"neoooooooo!"

ahha

yea.

hahaha today, at swim practice, i choked on water. which isn't new. but it's funny because i came up sputtering, and held onto the wall. and i burped. then continued to cough and sputter. *coughcoughweezeBURPweezecoughgag*

i kept laughing about it as i swam.

i can't wait to go to acapulco and get GORGEOUS goggle and cap tan. and invisible swimsuit tan. booo. i'm going to have little pale circles around my eyes. oh funf ufnfufnfufnndsffnsidfudfiudifsaiudf PHYSICS!

physiiiiiics!

aw i love you.

marry me! NOW

BARFO i need to barfo.
haha barf. i love spaceballs.

katrina said kipp is coming to acapulco. "from what i hear". what does she mean, from what she hears? i said "why would he come? what's the point?" and she told me his parents are loaded. and he's an only child. "and to coach" while she gave me this "well, DUH" look. oh yeah, coach. ahar har..

ah. i see.

PHYSIQUES. i work on my physique.
that still cracks me up.

i dance dance dance!

dance my life away.

AOWEOGOA

aahhh

pretzles, coca cola gummies, and chocolate covered almonds. ballalbalbahwoeibaoifduboiafu

gibberish.

whweeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! studying is amazing! it's sooo cool. everyone's doing it. it's gotta be cool.

tralalla

she said i'm so obsessed that i've become a bore...
oh no
aw you think you're so pretty-HEEEEEeeeeee

aaah i have a beautiful voice.

this has been a good few days.

i feel GRRREAT! wowowow!

wooo

!

yepeypeyepeypeype

oh my

aibiaisbis

that means: physics is my lover. sorry, laurie.

i had pretty fun dreams last night. they involved conan o'brien. he was living downstairs with his roommate, alan rickman. they were both married (TO EACH OTHER! just kidding. hahahaha aw. they'd be a cool couple), but didnt' live with their wives. but this was all normal.

dododododooododoo (do do do)

woo..

turn me over, i'm done!

this \/ (that's a downward pointing arrow. and this is defeating the purpose of it..) is for steph w and robin l. my partners in blog reading nerd-crime. what would be a nerd-crime? why, wearing our pants below our belly-buttons, of course!


You are a banana! Good job, captain obvious.


which rejected character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


p.s. taken from laurie's lj.

these junior mints are a disappointment.

i thought it'd be a hard candy. instead, it's goopey and sweet. whoever thought candy would be sweet? i bought them on impulse and sudden reminder of the seinfeld episode with junior mints.

i've been listening to a lot of garbage and jann arden lately. they are sooooo alike (i will try my best to never spell "so" with more than one "o" from now on. i promise) i think my favourite few years of music would be the ones from the early-to-mid-nineties. that was about when i started paying more attention, i do believe. and i like the stuff..

i lost my chap stick. i have many, but this one i actually liked. there are problems with the other ones.. problems i won't get into (how dramatic am i?). so i went to buy another. i saw the softlips and was reminded of emma's dayna-like obsession with her softlips stick. it was a whole dollar extra and the tube looked of a smaller volume. but i said "aw screw it all! i'm living today for meeeee!" and bought it. with someone else's money.

what a liberating experience, it was.

i found out recently that i had a 12 in calc. if you convert this from mac scoring to alpha scoring, that's an A+. noice!
then i wrote the exam. i think my mark is going to drop 20%. that's only after cutting out the questions i basically guessed on (literally, put down a random number). i don't know why i take naps. i always think i'll have the willpower to wake up and start working after an hour or so, but i never do. sometimes i'm not even exhausted when i nap. i'm just bored and dont' feel like studying anymore. but i always wake up more tired than when i fell asleep. not as fun as it sounds. because it sounds so fun.

gross...junior mints.. my new nemesis..

how disappointing.

the candy, and the exam.

also the drink. i guess they're called "jet spray"s. but i got cherry juice from the jet spray that tasted like cherry slushie juice.

today i acknowledged the possibility that i may fail chem. may have failed.

i'm not complaining about my marks in the way that i feel cheated and i think that a good mark is an awful mark and so on. i'm just upset because i know i could have done so much better. why did i sabotage myself like that? and i really did, too.

i don't even know what my best would be.

i'm glad this has happened. it will be a lesson.
that i'll probably need to re-learn many times.

that being said, i obviously haven't learned anything from this. because i'm still typing, when my physics and psychology exams are coming up.

i'm tired of all nighters.

my stomach feels disgusting. like it was painted with a coating of whatever fills those evil junior mints.
i guess that's what happened to it anyway.

julia's blog reminded me of many things, last night. but they were things that would make up one of those massive posts that sound like a lecture. there'd be linkage in the post that was never typed. it would be about my dinner and conversation with my mom last saturday. and bullying. insecurities in grade schoolers. krista h story. how she was surprised at a lot of the stuff i said. that she didn't know all about it, as it was happening. it was a good meet-up. especially since usually when she meets me here, it feels tense and unnatural.

i'm sick of stuff.

i don't want to leave my room.

robin seemed different yesterday. in a good way. we ordered pizza together, eunice, robin, and i, as we sometimes do. it was really good pizza. the reason why i was okay with them was because i hadn't seen them in such a long while. i think i could live with them again, next year, so long as we're not on the same floor, and don't chit-chat. just vent. i know i'm 97% most likely to live with eunice again. and after telling robin how i didn't want to live with her friends, she admitted that she's started to think that she doesn't want to live with them either. one reason for living with them (robin and eunice) is that they understand that we don't hang out together, and we don't feel the need to talk to each other, nor to invite each other out. but we're still.. uh oh.. friends.

alright. i want to take a nap (hah. see, i never learn) before swimming.

maybe i'll sleep through it.

i feel too tired to do anything. i blame the junior mints.

i want to go shopping for tank tops. and a swimsuit.
i just want to spend money and collect pretty things.
how's that for consumerism.

i'm going to vote yes for the present-free xmas. i was considering it last year, but stress and greed got the better of me. besides, i still haven't finished the stuff i got last year.

i bought eileen a few things. i'm her swim team secret santa.

i like the expression "secret pumpkin".

i guess it's not so much an expression as two words put together.

bumpkin.

we had secret pumpkins for hallowe'en. i had jane and jane had me. you bet we were amazed.

in rod stewart's "rhythm of my heart" (which is often in my head at swimming), he says something something "a hundred steeltowns away" and i always think of the hammer, and how it's a steeltown. normally this makes one feel like it's an ugly, butch place, but in the song it sounds romantic. i think my brow is furrowed. and i can't unfurrow it. this has happened before.

i kept checking the team roster for the swim team. to see if they had updated it for this year's team. and they have. and i still keep looking at it. because i'm weird. "in case it changes!" i really like how it says my "hometown" is ttown.

strange to think that i have a hometown. but trenton is such a "hometown" kind of place.

p.s. i feel the need to tell you that: i smell. i wonder if it's the stress that makes me sweat more, of if my sweat is just more pungent lately. but i smell. and my poodle of a anti-persperent does nothing. but laugh. and cry, because it's right in there, isn't it.

p.p.s. yes, you did enjoy that. sicko.

p.p.p.s. i have mentioned this to a few people already: i think last week's posts were treated unfairly. last week was perhaps one of my best weeks for interesting posts. there were even some pictures. you know what i'm talking about. so do your commenting thing! because i suffer from youngest-child syndrome. and i'm dying here.

i like too many things about this.

it reminds me of when i almost bought a plantane (plantine? planteine..)

and also when i ate a plantane.
i didn't know what a plantane was.

i thought "maybe these are fried bananas? that somehow taste like potato?"
i was in the dominican republic.

that was a good week of good good food.

i always listen to my music really low. but not today. so i'm noticing a lot of things to songs that i thought were pretty boring before. it's neato.

pimp 'n' hoe, rehashed
it was held in a swimmer house. i don't know if non-swimmers live there too, but jo and alysa in the basement, sheila in the second floor, and andrea too, i think.

creating this gallery was frustrating. the footnotes are messed up. disregard them i lazy.

i've shown these to laurie, and her quotes [or what i seem to remember of them] are in the quotations. these aren't my pictures (they're nicole's). it might have looked fun (.. or not..) but it was a crappy party. at least some of these are pretty funny..

note: in their defense, dressing up was mandatory. they are enthusiastic people.


"she's popping out of her shirt!" her shirt was a butterfly cut out with strings. you've probably seen them around. anyway, it's steph c - rookie.

crookie?


leah and i were looking for alyssa, and went upstairs. leah peeked into a bedroom, while i waited in the hallway. i heard someone bellow: "VAGINAAAAAAAAA!!" and leah quickly came out, laughing. it was sheila, who was piss drunk. that was her room, and she had people looking after her. it wasn't when this picture was taken, but you can just imagine her yelling it. in this picture is: nicole, kassie, sheila, bri. 1, 3, 3, 2.

notice the fake money tucked into kassie's shirt.

(go to the gallery to see the other pictures, and people.)


erin, the crazier girl's co-captain. licking face. of scott.
she is cruh-rayzay.


tim, guy's team cocaptain(3rd), alison (2nd), carly-rookie.

i've run out of imaginative steam. so you are left with crappy captions.
and less pictures/anecdotes than orginally planned.

oh dear. maybe i'll add more later. maybe not..

note: i'm suddenly in a worse mood, after reliving that night and seeing drunk faces. so ENJOY THIS POST, BITCH.

what's this? a centre for ants?

that movie is too great.

so this is new.. an early morning post! did stephanie pull yet another all nighter? no no, my friends. instead, she fell asleep right after practice last night, and slept a full 12 hours!

if i had slept 12 hours, but woken up at .. say, 2am, which has unfortunately been the norm for the past while (pre-exams), i would feel much groggier. but for whatever reason (full day ahead..?) waking up at 7:45am just puts a sunny spring in my sunny step.

no, i will not take those horrible alliterations back.

yesterday was a bad day. i said it was a good one only because it ended well. see? most of the day was unpleasent, but a happy ending changed it all. it's all in how it ends. screw you, grey, and how you say it's the process, not the prize!

i should have mentioned this back when the pimp 'n' hoe had happened:
when leah, chris, and i arrived, people had been there for a few hours already. even so, only colin (one of the rookies) was drunk. he seems like a nice guy, he's in health sci (i found out yesterday at practice), he's tall, gawk-ly, polite. but here, he was inebriated. we walked in, and things were a little awkward from the get-go, with people asking why we hadn't dressed up, when we thought we had. colin asked, as well. i said i did. then i took off my coat and he said: "aww yeaah, that's the stuff!", in a party-guy/frat-boy voice then started to dance around me. which was probably supposed to look like he was dancing with me. i said: ohh colin... and chuckled. he said: sorry... and hung his head in shame.

funny!

these original vegetable things are nast-ay. i've never met a snack food i didn't like, but these thins of veg have gone and dun eet.. (note: i took a few minutes to look up the pictures i'm about to post, and while i did, i ate more. and now i like them again. so forget all that.)

i'm writing the captions to the pictures. i tend to include the year someone is in, when i introduce someone new. good/bad thing, i don't know. maybe i think too much on age.

walked home with alyssa. had good talk about insecurities and the annoyances that come with it. we got on that subject from talking about room assignments for acapulco, and the little drama that she's already been a part of. she said that to be honest, she was the most popular girl in grade six (HAHAHAHAHAHAAA. ooOO!!) and she hated it because people were alway sgetting mad at her for non-things. like not talking to them before homeroom, and so on..
it was a good talk, basically. i'm looking forward to acapulco and getting to know them all better.

no more bio!
no more chem!
no more lectures,
just more phlegm!

none of that's true. but that's how i'm feeling!


eye vant to go hoooome!

i had some pretty cool dreams. something about baseball..
i think i wake up before any conflicts are solved, in my dreams. because whenever i'm awoken during a dream, i always feel a sudden rush of relief upon realizing it was only a dream. but then i forget most everything about it..

i was just thinking of zoolander again, and was suddenly hit with looking forward to hanging out with you luverlies. not too sure how the two are connected.

pictures to follow..

bad exam.

it was what i was expecting.

i think it was fair, but i'm not sure.

anyway, it was a good day nonetheless.

nontheless..

no, i think it's nonetheless.

kinda hungry.
i should clean up my room. it smells. no exam until monday. phew. the hardest one is over (chem), i'm looking forward to calc, physics will be tricky, and psych will be a bore to study for. thank goodness for online lecture transcripts.

it was fahreezing today!
blistering wind.

i know i can do so much better, but i don't bother.

there is a guy who people would see as a "genius". but i know he's just a hard worker. i was doing better than him in many classes. now, i'm probably nowhere near him. but that's not a new story. i guess everyone has the capability, it's just that not everyone is willing to work. it's too bad i fell into that category this time.

for the first chemistry test, i said that if i didn't fail, something was seriously wrong with the system. and i meant it. i didn't fail. i don't know why i don't care anymore.

i felt a spark of motivation when alexguy mentioned he was getting high 90s. i know i can get high 90s..

...

my dad says i'm smart, but i'm unorganized. which cuts me out of the competition before it's started.

the competition..

it was just a spark, and now it's gone.

i'm reminded of how i went from 98% (after midterm) to 8?% (well, some kind of mid-eighty) in algeo last year. how is that even possible? "that can't be right" was mrs w's words. i felt like she was planning on changing my mark that night, once school was empty. that's paranoia for you.

you bet i was pissed off. for a whole three seconds.

i'd like to care again..

i remember at sci centre, how much learning, knowing, and doing my best meant to me in the end. that was good.

i wish i hadn't lost that.

kristine sometimes asks me how i "do it". i bullshit and tell her all these inspiring things..
..when i can barely follow them, myself. i don't, even. not for this, anyway.

maybe i feel invincible?

well.

i definately feel hungry.

i'll eat. then write my chem exam.

i'll be the person who leaves early. i'll walk out confidently to psych you all out. but the people who leave early are usually just the people who gave up.

i'm off to boil water and sacrifice milk-less oatmeal to the great bell curve god. whatever works.

yeah, i used to miss missing things, even.

it's been a while since i've cared.

i like to think about it.

but maybe the fear of unfufilled expectations keeps me grounded.

i guess there is good in the bad.

i want to say that i like him a lot.

i don't think i will.

what is it i'm trying to say?

i hate typing "him".

i don't like talking about boys like that.

i don't.. i feel really sick suddenly.

i'm going to try to go to swimming at 6am without having slept through the night..

.. again.

julia, you gone and got me thinkin', aggeen.

i need this break. now. i deserve it, i swear.

maybe i'll make a list of things to bring to acapulco, instead of studying for chemistry.

why does it have to be my second exam?

i wish it was calculus.

i wouldn't have to study this way.

who the hell studies for not even one day, for a subject like chemistry?

this girl.

hey, it hasn't worked before. let's try it now!

oh yes.
i went to the bank and convenience store today, to put in money, and to stock up on study (junk) food and drink.

nestea green tea is the perfect amount of tastiness, and disgusting..ness. the disgustingness helps me keep from drinking it all in one.. sipping.

the man who sold me my goods at the store engaged me in a conversation that lasted longer than usual customer-convencience clerk conversations last. it started out with him asking if i was from china (which always seems inappropriate, though i'm not sure why. i remember someone from the un-trip's first words to me were: so are you from china, or what?). i told him no, my parents are, but i was born here. when i said "here", i pointed my arm downwards and made large circles with it. this was to indicate "country". or i was born in those three tiles on the floor. he seemed surprised. they always seems almost apologetic, or embarassed, yet intrigued, when they learn i'm a CBC (that is... CAROLYN B. COONEY!). "you know, it was just cause you look like you're from china. you look like you're chinese." maybe it was my denim (strait) jacket, which has the mandarin neck and looks a bit like it was taken from the cultural revolution "uniform" (or maybe because i'm chinese! no, i dislike when people assume i'm chinese, even though i am, so i will assume that he meant i look chinese, as opposed to japanese, vietnamese, korean, etc..). he asked where my parents were from, i told him ttown, as i misheard the question. then i began to tell him where ttown is, my automatic speech that i launch into after i mention ttown. he seemed slightly annoyed, and told me he knew where it was. i started to say how "oh that's so interesting, as most people don't know.. ". it turns out he thought i said "canton". i figured this out after he told me "yeah, i know where it is. between hong kong and ..."

so then with that cleared up, i told him where in china, aboutst (sp?) they were from. my mom, from the house with the big tree that's down the street from the children's hospital. my dad, from the ground level apartment space in the white building with the plants in the front. (i.e. Hong Kong, and Sichuan province)

he asked if i went to mac, first year, yep. programme, science. "science is broad. covers many subjects. it's one stream, in first year?" it is. next year, choose programme. biochem, may be hard. you want a bachlors, then masters, i do (it's not plan A, but why make it complicated..), you think you can do it? i think so. i hope so. people do it everyday, sure, i can do it. yes, you can do it, why not. go for it.

he's telling me to go for it. now i will do so.

the whole time, i was wondering why he was carrying this conversation on for so long. being the paranoid schizophrenic that i sometimes like to be (or maybe it's a sign of the times), my first instinct was that his motives were somehow related to rape, or some kind of taking advantage of the little chinese girl. my second thought was maybe he's just trying to practice his english. my third was that: if he was good looking, i wouldn't be questioning his motives like this.

it's been (scientifically - as i perk up and point my scholarly index finger to the sky) proven that [well, in general], positive characteristics are more likely to be assumed of attractive people, but it still surprises me when this happens.

there have been times when i realized i was getting annoyed at the people i found less attractive, quickly, even though the attractive people were acting the same. it's humbling; realizing how pathetically shallow you can be. as you probably know, it goes other way as well -- you can see people as being much less attractive, once you realize their not so attractive personalities.

so don't blame society, or the media! blame yourselves, you horrible people!

aha...haha... ha?

okay, let's see..

- why i like nestea green tea
- conversation, and analyzing conversation had with convenience store clerk

there was something else.

ah yes.

- sometimes i say things, or mention things in my posts, knowing that it will tempt people to comment in the comment box.

my comment box has been causing trouble. being unruly. being mischievous. it's searching for it's independence, pushing the limits. or, not showing the correct number of comments that have been commented. what a shame.

sometimes, when i don't want to study anymore, i go put on obscene amounts of make up.

then i go back and study.

[edit: and then i blog about it!]

SKA

kipp's been louder at practice lately. various things. he told me to "have a good one". hahaha suck. that's the first time he's talked to me when he wasn't a) intoxicated, b) telling me a set, c) giving me technical advice i think. i could be wrong. but it doesn't matter.

the jackets have come in!! yeaaah! they're two dollars more expensive than lindsay originally thought! boo!
i've seen the older versions. i'm not sure if it's worth $106, but i've already paid so..

..so my study jug (a jug of water that i drink out of. how simple..) smells real bad.

that's backwash and suspended food bits for you.

i had a crappy practice. hooray!
actually, it felt alright. i just wasn't trying.

plus i left early!

we were doing starts and were supposed to swim underwater for 25m, then just swim easy for a 75. i could barely make 15 metres. andrea said she had a cold and so was going to sit out a 100. i mumbled that i was a wuss, because i wasn't trying. she looked at me strangely. i do believe she thinks i called her a wuss. ahaha

i false started so many times. we were doing these 8 times, and i just kept false starting. someone told me they saw me shake my head at myself while i was in mid-air. haha funny

so..

the great thing about not getting any sleep is that your days feel so long.

... barfo.

i feigned barfing when leah started talking to me about chris again. she didn't notice, or else didn't care. i don't mind when she talks to me about him, i just wish it wouldn't take her half an hour to basically say: "so i was thinking about him and i last night again. i'm confused about our relationship."

what else..

i went to cook dinner for myself at 1am last -- this morning. eunice and kevin came upstairs. eunice said "hey stephie!" i said "hi." kevin said "hey stephie!" and i said "shut up."

it was then that i finally told eunice how i hated being called stephie. it was a small explosion. she took it well. i surprise myself with how i'm hoping to live with her again next year. i've already found 4 really awesome listings. hooray for potential.

remmik was who thought i was cute. so says the eun (ice).
i thought he did. or i had a hunch. or the thought crossed my mind, but i didn't really entertain it.

bringing my (well, mark's) bike to school was the best idea i've ever had. which actually wasn't really my idea.

chem tomorrow.

you'd think i'd freak out.

katrina gives me good advice about courses and programmes. right now, right this second, it's the physics-based biochem for me, which is very similar to the physics w/ biophys specialization, but it's more chem/bio based. i think it will work out .. (graciously? grandly? grood?) .. well. crap... i have to remember to switch stats for the second calculus.. i will do that now...

naomi, carly's older sister, helped explain to me what "swimming for the team" is. she always seems to be giving me advice, but in subtle ways. i like how they look out for us. but on an equal level.

i had a good talk with jane after swimming about studying for exams and so on. she's taking mostly all language courses. it's pretty neat. i guess she has a natural talent for learning languages. they aren't all based upon the same ... um.. language, either. i.e: she's taking latin-based ones, as well as germanic ones, and she'll soon be taking japanese..
she reminds me of josie, in that respect. the talent with languages. also the dark hair. the loudness. now that i think about it, that's pretty much where the similarities end. but she still reminds me of josie, once in a while.

i both like, and dislike how much i talk about swimming-related things.

someone asked who my friends were. they're basically all swimmers, but really, i don't have very many.
i felt like explaining how i like it that way, honestly i do. but there was no way to do it without sounding like i was just lying, and/or being defensive.

i know the people i thought i would meet are there (here), but i like to think that i'll meet them all eventually. it'll just be a little while.

on a seemingly related, but really unrelated note: i've forgotten what teen drama is all about.

i was mildly offended that julia seemed to have forgotten she had emailed me what seemed like a genuine (in the sense that she was talking from her heart) letter. oh well.

i feel like being by myself for a while. it may be when i'm happiest.

we have (ugh. am i talking about swimming, AGAIN??) a motivational book where you write good things you've noticed about other swimmers (on girl's team). i was writing something for rosie today. it started out being very eloquent and sentimental.. then ended with the words "but you make practice .. SUPER-FUN!!" (the exclamation marks were made into a face, as it was the right thing to do).

and now, i'll include some lyrics. because i'm feeling profound, but not that profound (hence the random choice of song. or IS it).

i can still recall
the way you looked that fall
in your favourite dress
the day before you left

since that time
i wrote a simple rhyme

and i miss you and the things you do the time we had the good and bad the day we met that i can't forget signed sincerely, me

sincerely, me - better than ezra

hey, there i am!

after my biology exam, i ambled over to the student centre, blinking the sun away from my eyes.

i bought some food.

not for the first time, i thought of how today would have been a better day for fran to visit mac.
yesterday, seated in the health sciences library, i thought of how that would have been a better place to show her.
i will try to stop thinking about it. (although.. it does make me appreciate my school more.)

but before that, i washed my hands. my fingertips were dark with graphite soot. i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. my face looked green. even if i get enough sleep, i still have dark under my eyes, but the fact that my eyes looked sunken yet protruding didn't help the effect. so green face. but on my second look, it turned blue. my eyes were having a grand time, messing with my head. then grey..

i'm not sure how many days i've been wearing these exact same clothes.

robin knocked on my door this morning.

i had stayed up all night.

i fell asleep at 7:40, woke up at 8:25 for my exam which starts at 9:00am. robin knocked on my door. it was nice of her to make sure i didn't sleep through my exam. but i couldn't help but swear at her. i was standing on the floor, but with my face and arms buried in my blankets (bed of monstrous height, remember?). it was one of those moments where you will get up and get moving, but only if she leaves. just like when mum would try to wake me up. i'd tell her that i'd get up as soon as she left. robin smacked my arm with her mitts and told me that i had an exam in half an hour (thank you.) "sweetie".

someone told me that someone told them that they heard someone famous say that we judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.

it was considerate of her.

thank goodness for consideration.

i smelt. bad. i still do, i'd imagine.
i remember noticing when i was dozing off. "ew. oh. it's me." then sleep.

perhaps i should sleep now. i told myself i would.

julia, email me before i email you back. again.

the biology exam was fair. what one would expect. maybe i'll get a B. i hope i get an A-.

looking at myself, my desk, my room, my house..

it's too stereotypically university/college student. ish.

especially my desk. this is interesting, isn't it.

i was thinking at swimming.. that the posts where people say "this must be the most boring post ever" or "who would ever care about this, i don't know" or some derivative of those.. the posts where people say those things, are the posts i tend to enjoy reading the most.

i have pointless pictures taken. of food. that i've made. yup.

i have something to say. but what is it?
yes, i'm actually asking you.

eye of the tiger just came on.

i felt sick last night, talking to my dad.
he was talking all about the new motorhome joan bought.
physically ill.
why does joan try to get along with me? is it to please my dad?
why does she have to call me maimai.
why do they tell me about sara and her new husband? why do they say that i "have" to meet him?

i'm not a part of their family. the food in my stomach is curdling. i leave this subject now.

i told krystian about how i dozed off while flying alone in the summer.
i had forgotten about it.
i decided to go ahead with flying lessons after having a big discussion about it with him.
we talked about how we disliked each other in the beginning of the year.

i found him arrogant, he thought i was "easily manipulated" and personality-less.

i am pretty easily manipulated when i want to be your friend. am i? is that so?
robin, i was reminded of how you said i was "surprising" in the yearbook. something along the same lines, perhaps?

it turns out i disliked almost everyone at least once.
am i hateful?
i think i am judgemental. but at the same time, i try to be understanding. so somehow, it works out okay. i think i'm just as judgemental of myself. who knows.

maybe being judgemental doesn't mean you dislike them. if you accept that everyone has faults, including yourself, and you don't blame them for it, it's not even dislike, really. more of.. that's just how it is. for now.

i've had this conversation with someone else.

i'm reminding myself of all the .. bad things i wrote about people in this blog over the years (or year? or two years? it's not that old, is it?). especially sci centre people. and now the food is curdling again. i am ashamed.

i will sleep now.

maybe i shouldn't. i know i'm tired, but i can't feel it. i'm a little numb. no, i'll sleep now, until swimming. then i'll swim, then i'll go to the lie berry.

yesterday was a good day.

today feels surreal.

it looks like summer outside.

i need to bathe.

RESPECT YO'SELVES!

ah haa

there's always more to say, once i start.

i'll leave it like this for now.

don't worry, you.

krystian is great.
i like him a lot.

i like knowing my friends have thought of me.

i like emails that are written for me.

i like to reread them too

i like being complimented in intelligent ways.

i like talking to victoria, making sure she's not suicidal, making her feel happy, and being made happy in the process.

i like sharing stories that both of us already know.

i like feeling like you understand

and that you're really listening.

i like that you still talk to me now, and that you still think of me

i like that you think i'm cute

i like how that doesn't change the way i see you

i like how it would never work out

i like how you realize this is so

i like when things are easy

i like when i have an exam in a few hours

i like when i feel like i can handle it

i like this feeling in my belly

it's something i haven't felt in a while.

i like how right now, everything is alright in the world

i like not thinking too much.

i like when i leave things the way they are

i like doing the right thing

i like not knowing what to do

i like the possibilities

i like being able to feel them

i like knowing my past

i like coming to terms with what i can

i like the concept of post-secondary schooling

i like where i am

i like the weather

i like the team

i like feeling nervous, when i think about provincials.

i like knowing that i've been practicing this year

i like how i'll be able to show kevin and mike that i've been practicing

i like how kipp gets nervous around me

i like how he hides it.

i like how i can talk to boys i'm not intimidated by

i like how i can be real

i like how samantha is trying so hard to be nice

i like how i know we'll be great friends

i like not trying

because i know it'll happen on it's own.

i LOVE how you agree with me!

you're making me feel so much better!

i'm so glad i'm not alone on this.

i didn't realize how great you were

you're a very good person. i wish i saw you around.

i'm so glad i met you

of all places and people

i like how i can joke around you

but you understand when i don't want to.

you make me joke anyway, though.

i like how sickening this post is getting to be

it will sicken me as well.

but not tonight, because tonight, everything is great.

i like imagining what or who people might think i'm talking about

it's not anything, or any one person really.

just what it says.

today is long

it was a great day.

i like you a lot

and i won't think of "in what way"

but i do.

and i like how you like me a lot too.

it didn't occur to me that winter in the hammer may be milder than back at home.

sometimes i check ttown's weather, because i miss home.

it's much colder there right now.

i hope my mom had a good day..

i'm wearing the skanified underwear eunice gave me.
interpret that as you will.

i'm up in a few hours to go back to swimming.

i'm only productive when it's too late; too late in many ways.

zach and emma's post-cold war map story amuses me.
i'm betting that i would not have noticed.

sometimes it feels like i've never learned anything.

ahem. haven't learned anything.

goodnight, luverlies..

haha

andrew asked for this for xmas.


"need one for school.


well.. i don't need one

but it'd be useful."

just because it's about sex (among other things), doesn't mean it's bad.

laid - matt nathanson

.. i just reminded myself of someone.

i ran into kris again today.
i'll tell you more about that a little later, once i come back from picking up my chem lab notebook.

what i just wanted to say now, because it is bothering me suddenly, is that i really miss last year.

i was just here, realizing that i'm finally not just content, but happy with my choice of university, finally. after trying to pretend that i was.

but i am, and it's good.

but then julia asked what i was doing a year from now.

and i remembered what i was doing. and where i was. what a surreal semester.
i miss it.

it was very special.
and i often forget what it was like.